Its FREEEZZZZIINNGGGG in here!

Well.... I named the little ones Milk Bubbles and Cottage Cheese. MB had 30% chance, CC 10%. We decided to hold of on cc because of the possibility of twins. (I'm not opposed but Daniel didn't want to think about that). We were told not to get our hopes up because the "quality" was fragmented. (hints the name cottage cheese). Anyways, I was told they were going to call yesterday to tell me if they were able to save cc. No call yesterday so I was all bummed out and everything. Today (as in 20 min ago) they called to tell me that CC is frozen!!! Yeah team MB and CC!

Milk bubbles and Cottage cheese

Well... I decided. Milk bubbles and Cottage cheese is what I have decided to name them. Seriously, that is what they look like from their first photo shoot on day 3. Fingers crossed that they will be healthy, form correctly, and grow the way they are supposed to. I did also put their picture on my fridge too so I can see them every day. (Yeah I know that most likely sounds so weird, but I'm proud they made it to day 3 photo shoot. Hopefully there will be more photo shoots in the future).

Meeting them both

Yesterday I was able to "meet" the embryos. I saw pictures of them. There were two. One looks like the bubbles that come out of milk when you pour air through a straw. It looked perfect. The other one looked like cottage cheese. They call that fragmentation. Daniel was not able to be there to talk to the doctors but we had a phone conference. My mom was there because she insisted on coming even though I told her she did not have to come. Anyways, after discussing everything with the doctors, I signed some papers and then was escorted to the back room. They tell you to drink 24-32 oz of liquid before coming (2 hours before). That was the most uncomfortable part of the whole process. Anyways, they hooked me up to the ultrasound and did a mock transfer again to see how everything would go. Even though I was dilated the other day, it didnt work so well so they had to use a different kind of thing. The doc said everything went as well as any transfer could go and then I received my first ultrasound pic and was told to hang out for 20 minutes on my back. Thankfully my mom had some good stories because it was just so icky not to be able to run to the restroom. Finally the 20 minutes passed and I was able to get dressed and met with the doc one last time who gave me a pep talk/assurance that there is absolutely nothing more I can do to make everything "stick". Of course no jumping and no alcohol. Ive been avoiding that stuff like the plague the past couple weeks anyways. We ended up leaving and going to get my mom's car. You see... on her way in, the transmission on her car went out. As in she could not move forward or backwards. We called AAA and went to get it. A state trouper met us there because he was about to give a ticket. He let it slide considering the tow truck was there about a minute later. We got that situation taken care of and then went to my house for lunch. I prepared a salad with chicken, nuts, cranberries, oranges, and raspberry dressing.
After lunch, we went for some ice cream and then went car looking. We met Daniel at his store and drove some cars to get acquainted with everything. My mom has had a minivan since 1991 and now is looking for a sedan. I would say... its a whole new world! We were there for a couple hours and then came home and ate popcorn and watched tv til Dad came to pick up Mom. He was in Chicago visiting his brother who is on death's door. So this was perfect for him to travel from Raleigh to my house to then Charlotte. Of course he was exhausted. Emotionally spent but still in good spirits.
They ended up leaving after a little while and then Phillip and Diane came over for dinner. I was spent by the time they left and fell asleep while sitting up on the couch. Then I laid down and Daniel took this really really cute picture of CB and me snuggling together. So cute!!

What a process

To say that emotionally I did well yesterday is true... passing out.. wellllllll...... I almost did. :)
I got up bright and early at 7:08 (thanks Country Biscuit!) I had my alarm set for 730 so I could take my medicine before I went in. We had to be there right at 9. No later. We ended up getting there a bit before because you know me and time... I hate being late! I had my ipod with some tunes and some celebrity magazine. I had to keep my mind off this whole thing and it really helped. I was split from Daniel and taken back to change and to get my iv started. Thats when things went not so well. I HATE... I mean LOATH needles, iv's, etc. I get light headed and it just quite frankly wigs me out! I got stuck in my left arm which is the arm I never get stuck in so it was different trying to wrap my brain around that. It went in very easy but my brain had a hard time processing it. So I almost fainted. The nurse had the smelling salts there just in case. She knows me so well. I got a wrist band and chatted back and forth with the nurse so I could distract myself. Over time, the anastisiologist came in to talk with me. He asked me if I knew what I was there for... DUHHHHH. Anyways, I told him I couldnt look at him because he was on my left side and that would mean I would see the iv in my arm. He joked saying that girls dont look at him all that often so it didn't bother him. It made me laugh. After he left, the doc came in and talked with me. Asked me if I had questions, signed docs, etc. Same thing with him. I couldnt look at him due to the iv. Then after he left one of the nurses got me and took me to where everything was going to happen. On the floor after the door opened was some big silver sticky tape. It was about 3ft by 4ft and there were two patches of them. They have them there to collect germs. I stepped over them and then went into the room. It was a small room. It could not be any bigger than a 9x9. The anesthesiologist put 5 ekg things on me to monitor me and then hooked me up to some medicine for pain. The nurse had me in this contraption... (Im thinking tmi here so I wont go any further) Then the anesthesiologist asked what I liked to drink. I asked him if he was talking about alcohol or not. He said alcohol. I said wine and he said well consider this a double dose and tell me when you start to feel it. I did and then I was out. The next thing I know, Im back where I started in the room with my clothes hanging there. I came to it pretty quickly and after dressing the doc came in to tell me they got 4. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. All these shots, all these drugs, poking, needles, etc and only 4. WOW.... way to be an overachiever! (Thats what I was telling my bum ovaries) 4 is better than 3. He explained why they couldnt get any more and it made sense. Val came in with some food and the nurse went over what to do for the rest of the day and the next few days. Then I was out of there. Diane came with Val to pick me up since Daniel had to go to work. One of the managers took off this week of work so they are down to next to nothing. Anyways, knowing that about 1 out of every 3 actually makes it, I was thinking only 1 would make it. I already was mentally preparing my brain that none would make it just because of the consistent disappointment time and time again. After going home and getting a bit to eat, we all went out for mexican and then I took a 3 hour nap. Got up and then went back to bed. I was just so tired. My body had had it. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Im still tired today but am trucking through it.
Today I got a call from the embryologist. He said 2 made it into 2 cells. The other rejected ICSI. (aka cells not dividing, no life possible) I am happy that there are two but NOW everyone keeps asking... well are you going to put both in or one. This is a very personal decision for both Daniel and myself. I have been thinking one way and he another. But the big thing is that we dont and wont know what grade the little jellybeans have become until we go there Thursday am. That could play a big role in our decision. I will say that one person is making a good case. We will come to terms on this decision soon I'm sure.
Alex asked me if I was going to name them. I'm not sure. Yes I would like to but then that means I am getting very attached and what if it doesn't work? Heartbreak for sure. Maybe once we know in February, I might, but not now. I think the worst part from here on out is that instead of just waiting 13 days, we have to wait 15 days for blood work. (since day 13 is a weekend. Bummer)

Prep for Monday

Tonight is my last shot. I must take it at exactly 930pm. No ifs ands or buts.
Sunday night I will take Dramamine at bedtime along with my first dose of the zpack. Then Monday at 730 ill take another does of Dramamine and sit and wait and probably find some sort of busy work to take my mind of things. 
Monday is the big day. I am to arrive at 9am and will get prepped for surgery. I will be put under at 930am. I know I will not be under for very long because I have 8 follicles that they think are a good size for retrieval. The good thing is that the ultrasound is 2D so there is a possibility that there are a couple more hiding there. Thank goodness! The rate of retrieval is about 70% and from there about a third will actually be viable. I am praying that my percentage and numbers are higher than that. Considering I was on the max dose the whole time and that things will only go downhill with age, this is the best its going to be ever.
I typically like to read up about this through blogs and the internet but my prognosis is very very different from most people that I read about. Most people I know or have read about have 20-30 retrieved and are able to freeze about 8 or so. So reading about other people is not what I want to do right now. My emotions are so crazy right now. I could cry at the drop of a pin for no reason at all! (Darn hormones!) I know Monday am will be filled with a lot more emotion and I am going to do my best to keep it together. (Thanks again hormones) I'm not scared about the procedure, I'm scared about the outcome. I fear that with so few follicles, none will survive and grow. This is the last medical resort and with big fat fails every other time, I am trying to be positive and optimistic but also realistic.
Ill keep everyone posted the best I can. We will know Tuesday sometime how many have made it and what day I go in for the final step. My guess is that Ill go in on Thursday but we shall see.

Day 3...

Well... I wish I could say that day three has been better than day one or two but guess what. Negative! The medicine that Im on is the max dose and Im not exactly the largest girl on the block so I get the lovely side effects. One in particular I am hating right now...I mean ALL day so far today.
I feel like puking. I get hungry and eat something and right afterwards my stomach... and then it stays like that until about 30 minutes before I get hungry again. So ill be fine for about 30 minutes out of 3 hours. I went to CVS to grab a sprite before work today but how about they are almost 2 bucks for a 20oz. I was in dire need of a cold beverage but I could not handle paying that kind of stupid money for sugar water so I just waited until I was at work to get a cold water.
Here are the side effects for the drug Im on...Thank goodness for only feeling like vomiting and pain at the injection site. I guess there could be worse right??

• ovarian enlargement presenting as abdominal or pelvic pain, tenderness, pressure, or swelling;
  
• nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea;
  
• shortness of breath;
  
• pain, warmth, or tenderness centralized in an arm or leg;
  
• fever or chills;
  
• headache or drowsiness;
  
• weakness or aching of muscles or joints;
  
• breast enlargement or tenderness;
  
• pain, swelling, or irritation at the injection site; or
  
• rash.
  

Part 1 of many...

Last night I had the information session for IVF. It lasted an hour and there were 10 groups there. For the most part, everything was a refresher for me since I have read the 40 some pages twice, and some parts more than twice. I did learn some things and they had some videos of lab work and what the embryologist does behind the door in the lab. I feel even better about everything since going. There were some good points that were brought up that I did not realize but the biggest thing I noticed was that out of the 10 groups only 2 groups seemed to be in their late 30's to 40's. Everyone else seemed to be 32 or below. It just boggles my mind that most people do not talk about this since its a very real thing.
Friday is my next meeting. I haven't decided how much info I am going to want to share about the whole process but I do know that after my last visit to the doc which will be sometime the first week of Feb, I am going to need time to process everything. Good or bad info, its going to be a lot to process. (Of course we are hoping for good info)

Food nerd

Who gets two cookbooks, a spiral peeler, and other cool kitchen gadgets for Christmas and is elated?? This gal!!! In all seriousness, there is this spiral peeler that is out there (amazon.com) and its AMAZING! I have made zucchini noodles and apple chips so far. Its so easy to clean and to use and its fast. So Daniel made some homemade pasta sauce and well... I don't eat pasta. But I made zucchini noodles and voila! "pasta". I definitely plan on making more noodles soon. You can make noodles out of sweet potatoes, squash, really... any kind of mostly firm veggie or fruit. Below is the veggie peeler.