Letting go

I have been thinking about it for a while now and I think I am going to let this whole blog thing go for a while, maybe forever. There are many reasons why but there is no point in getting into it.

Life

The past three days I can really tell that baby is changing in a good way. His or her bones are at full strength and I am now really feeling it. I get big pokes and an elbow or hand or foot and can't help but wonder if he or she got my genes or Daniel's genes. A few more lbs left to go and some brain and lung development and we will meet our little one.

Jamaica!

The Jamaica trip was a success. I mean... how can you really go wrong? Woke up at 415 on Monday to drive to the airport. Got there and got to the gate in no time. Boarded the plane and got into Jamaica. We all went as a group to get our room keys. Unfortunately, my room was not ready yet but that was ok because my coworker let me put my bags in her room while we went to get lunch. So after lunch, we went to get the bags and the room. I was VIP, so I was in another building with all the top dogs, including the owner. The room was amazing. 2 queen beds, a jetted tub inside and outside on the deck, full 3 liters of liqueur, full minibar restocked daily, champagne and cheese for us for the first night, a couch, robes, slippers, etc, etc! Of course, I did not partake in any of the booze but I would have if MB wasn't my sidekick. I guess that is the excuse to go back there huh?
The first night we were there, we had a welcome party. At the party all the VIP people were acknowledged and given a gift. Free internet for the week, 200 in room credit to use at the spa, upgraded room, and a little something else I do not feel comfortable typing about.
Day two, we went out on the catamaran and traveled around Jamaica. We stopped in the ocean and fed the fish. Most of the people on the catamaran went into the ocean to feed the fish. They had life vests, masks, and flippers. I just took the mask and dove right in. I mean, salt water will make you float. I saw a lot of fish all around and was one of the last people back on the boat. It felt so good in the water with the weight off of the body and it was cool. I had not been swimming in a long time.
We ended up at Margaritaville to grab food if wanted and then back to the catamaran to go back to our place. Lets just say some people I was with have no sense of when enough is enough and overindulged in booze. I made sure I stayed away from them because I can not deal with foolishness.
Mom and I grabbed a shower and lunch and then went to the beach to fall asleep on the chairs. I had all intentions of reading 2 books while there. I read nothing. I did not even crack open the books. I don't feel bad about it at all.
While in Jamaica, Mom and I tried the following places for food.... Jamaican, French, and surf and turf. I had mom try the following foods.... ox tail, goat, papaya, caprizi salad, duck, lamb and some other things she had never had before.
Day 3 there, we went on a taxi into the hip strip to do some shopping. We were escorted around so we felt safe. I haggled with people but did not find anything I wanted at the straw market. It was very sad at the market because these people are so poor and just want to sell you something. However, I just did not see anything that I liked. Plus every place we went into was the same thing. I am sure most of it all came from China.
One of the nights, I had some of my coworkers over to my room so that someone could consume the champagne and booze since I could not and did not want to take it back on the plane in case it broke.
The last night we were there, there was a party for our group. We had dinner on the beach with a steel drum band, light posts in the sand, candles on the tables, etc. It was so pretty.
I was having a hard time spending my room credit money so we went all out and got manis and mom got a pedicure while I got a polish change. I never ever have paid 65 bucks for one mani ever. Most expensive manicure ever in my life! Anyways, everything is inclusive on the resort so it was hard to find something to spend the money on. I did not want any stuff from the shops they had there because I just did not need that souvenir stuff. It really just isn't my thing most of the time. I did however get a tshirt while on the hip strip for the little one. Its super cute.
On the final day, mom and I went to the pool. We were going to go to the beach, however, it is jellyfish season and they were everywhere. So we just hung by the pool. It was when I was getting out of the pool the final time that my foot just killed. I could have just fallen over in pain right there. So I knew I had to get a boot for my foot then since I knew it was broken and not just some pregnancy pain.
Coming back to the states was less than thrilling. Except mom got me in trouble with customs. She overbought booze and had me take some for her and apparently you are only allowed one 1 liter per person. She bought 2 1 liters and 2 750mls. So I took the liters and she took the 750mls. They let it slide but not normally.

Home visits and first baby shower

This week has been crazy busy! Is it really already Saturday? The first part of the week flew by because I was prepping for company. Alex came in on Wednesday with Rosalie. We had dinner and girl time that night and all the next day. It was good to get out and do stuff. We ran errands, went to the park, tried to get Rosalie to nap, and I had a doctors apt. All was well with the doc apt. The visit took next to no time and even the receptionist commented on it. Everything checked out good and I was cleared to go on my next adventure. More to come on that.
Thursday evening, Tony, Charity, and the kids spent the night so we had 3 kids in the house with 5 adults. Full house for sure, but a good full house. We ordered pizza and let the kids play and then crash. I ended up falling asleep on the couch while watching a movie. 10pm for me is late now for me staying up.
Anyways, the following am, I had crossfit and then had to get ready for the shower in Charlotte at my parents home. Val and I drove there early yesterday to help prep for the party. My Mom had things pretty organized but there was fruit cutting, drink making, etc that had to be done. So Val and I helped with that. After no time, I had to get ready myself for the party so I went upstairs and was doing my hair and makeup and just had this moment of "I can't believe this is my day, my party" in the mirror in the bathroom. Pretty similar to how I felt on my wedding day. You dream and dream of different moments in your life and sometimes they feel just SO far away or maybe that they will never happen to you. And then the moment arrives and you just can't believe it. That's how I felt.
After picking out one of three outfits that I brought people started showing up. Alex first, then my Gram, then more and more. All in all, everyone seemed to have a good time. I know I did and I appreciated everyone who drove and gave up some of their day and time to celebrate with me.
Later that evening, we made it home and Alex helped me unpack the car and put everything upstairs. Then, I went to bed. I saw Daniel for all of about 15 minutes before my eyes dropped. I will have to fill him in on everything later today.

Half way gone/ almost there...

The month is halfway gone! Say what?? That is just insane. I believe it was just yesterday that I participated in the annual 5k race... but then again it wasn't. 
The 5k race was mostly walking with a little running. I went with Val and Diane to the race. We ended up running to the start line because we thought they were going to start without us. Of course they did not. Then we ended up running at the end. (all of .1 miles) because of rain.
I still have the itch to run. I have had it more this month than any other month in recent history. I wanted to run on the beach when I was there last week, I wanted to run at the race.
The good news is that I have been cleared of all medical conditions up to this point. (but still doesn't mean I can run long distances) Hello third trimester! Where did you come from? And hello self esteem in the tanker! I had a breakdown on Friday over many different things. Called my mom in tears and spent the rest of the day alone. I do not like the way I look in pictures but then again it could have been the camera angle or the posture that I have or just me having a bad day. Either way, I deleted the pictures. Gosh I did not give myself enough credit prebaby and I now realize that. So note to self... give credit where credit is due! Along with zero self esteem, I have been battling the case of tmj. My jaw has relaxed at night and makes for an unpleasant am feeling with my jaw, along with eye allergies that I can only take eye drops for, and my hip gets sore when lying on my right side. This side sleeping is for the birds! All very weird symptoms but Ill take it if I have been blessed with zero days of throwing up and otherwise I am healthy. I am still able to crossfit 4 days a week and walk when the weather permits so at least that keeps me somewhat sane.
To back to the clearing of medical issues... Baby cakes had another glamor shot last Monday. And holy cow... this kid looks like Daniel! At least that's what I think. He or she is a cutie and measuring at 80%. I have been cleared to not have to have a c section. (of course anything can change) I also do not need other medical attention as they have been monitoring me. My glucose test came back in the low to normal range, baby heartbeat is good, blood pressure is good. So hopefully it will be smooth sailing from here. T minus less than 3 months! I already love him or her so much and my heart just melts when looking at his or her picture on the fridge.
This upcoming week will be the busiest of them all! I finally chose a pediatrician and now am looking into daycare options. And then next week... the least busiest. Ill update on those once they are completed.

A month jam packed

This coming month will be jam packed. Before I know it, it will be August!
First off, I still can not believe I am a little over 6 months into this crazy journey. Most of the time I feel like my normal self and do my normal stuff minus long distance running or really anything longer than a short 400m run. This month will mark another ultrasound. My doc date has been switched and most likely will be switched again now due to work situations. Anywho... I get the wonderful opportunity to drink that liquid sugar and get poked for glucose testing. I wouldn't be surprised if they diagnose me with high levels. Its not like it would be the first time. I mean, I was on meds for a while before.
Also, Ill be off to an all inclusive resort in Jamaica with my mom, beach trip with Daniel, trip to Charlotte for the shower, day trip to the beach, and most likely somewhere else too. This month will fly and I have to start getting things really organized and situated for the newest arrival. Most days I just come home and can not wrap my brain around doing housework so I have to get these things done in the am before work. I love my naps too much in the evenings. :)

Positive positive positive

May flew by. It seemed that almost everything in the month was positive along with the start of June.
I went to Chicago for a wedding and saw EVERY cousin (20 of them). That happens almost never. The wedding was a lot of fun and the company was just as fun. I was able to see my siblings which was great and my parents too.
We had our anatomy scan and everything looked good there.
The following week, I felt baby move for the first time. Since then, baby has been a dancing machine at about 930pm most nights. Baby likes cold things, cheese burgers, and fruit. Dislikes are mexican food, anything that is crazy spicy such as spicy guac, chili powder, red pepper flakes, etc. Big disappointment. 
By the end of the month, I made enough sales to go on a trip to Jamaica with work VIP style. I have no idea what is the difference between VIP style and just regular. But some people are going just regular. Only 2 out of 10 people in our division are going VIP style.
Then... we had a drawing at work and I won and iPad mini. That was great because our home computer is from 2005. It needs help and I avoid getting on the computer at home because it is SOOO SLOW. Really.... Its slow.
Went for another follow up visit last week. Everything is looking good. Still no need for bed rest or modifying anything. Baby is measuring on key and Mom too.
Val and I went to the beach for the day on Friday. We had great traffic both ways and found a fabulous parking spot. The weather was perfect, as was the company.
Who sprinkled the positive dust on me? I am just not used to all of these perks and rewards.

Butterfly or Freestyle??

Yeah... I'm convinced my kid will know how to swim and most likely be on the swim team. He/she is already practicing.
Last night at about 9:30 I finally REALLY felt some swift kicks to the stomach. Ones you can really feel with your hand. It was strange but so cool. Daniel unfortunately was not there to feel them but there will be many more times he will be able to.

So when did you know?

This is part one of many parts of my journal that I kept over the past few months.

Wednesday January 30th. Took a test to make sure that all meds were out of my system. I certainly got confirmation of that with no double line.
Thursday January 31st. Woke up before crossfit and took a test. Ok. Seriously this test was not manufactured correctly. I think I see something but don't know if its because the test was made funky or if it was true. Not sure, I go and work out and come back and take like 2 more test. I think I see something faint but try not to get my hopes up.
Friday February 1st. Wake up, take the test. Couldn't believe it. Went to cross fit and could not do a single pull up unassisted. This confirms it for me 100%. I have always been great at doing pullups and now for some reason my body felt like trying to pull up 200lbs.
When Daniel wakes up and is done getting ready for work I tell him. His response was to be safe today. Both of us in shock and also trying to be realistic try not to think about this or even talk about it for many weeks until we get out of the scary stage. I emailed Alex who then called me while I was cutting up raw chicken for the crockpot. I also went over to see Val at her house and told her then.
Everyone else is left in the dark for many weeks.
Monday February 4th. I go in at 930 to get bloodwork drawn. I told the gal that I already knew. She said that results would be sent via phone later in the day. I get a phone call at around 1230 that day. The results were as I expected. Very good!! I am still in complete shock and now antsy for the next apt the following week.
Monday February 11th. I go in again early to get more blood work drawn. Same scenario. A phone call would be made by 2pm. I get my results which were great again. I am in such shock because I always got bad news and now its the total opposite. I set up my first ultrasound today for the week of the 25th.

Watch out world!

One cute kid expected to arrive by October 2013. Later I'll share some of my thoughts from my journal that I started back in January.

The well part 2

Just in time for company, the well drillers were back out on wedensday/thursday to drill for a new one. They had to get a landscaper out to regrade the front yard and take down two trees. Then they started drilling. So now our front and other side yard has no grass. This summer is going to be so easy mowing. There wont be any to mow! HA! Gotta look at the positive stuff right?? Anyways, we have clean water now which is a plus.

April... where has it gone?

Was it not just March? For goodness sakes. April has flown by for sure. I went to Arizona for an extended birthday weekend to visit Alex and Rosalie. We ate ourselves through town. I had so many breakfast freebies and we still did not go through them all! We managed to go to Joes farm grill twice, Einstein bagel, bruggers, smashburger, and a Mongolian grill. Talk about stuffed! We both agreed that we wanted nothing but salad for a while afterwards. Anyways, we had fun laying at the pool a few times, went to the zoo, and hung around the house. The last day I was there, the wind was incredible. There was so much dust in the air it looked like it was going to rain. I ended up taking the red eye home and the plane was delayed 3 times which made me miss my connection so I didnt get in until 3pm instead of 9am. That caused me to have to run to work for 2 hours and try to accomplish everything in that short amount of time. What a mess!
After that, the following day I had to go to Charlotte for two days for a work conference. I was exhausted. On the plane ride back, I got my first case of insomnia mixed with turbulence and claustrophobia. What a combo! I took a dramamine and finally fell asleep for all of 2 hours. Even though it was such a short amount of time, I felt rested but my eyes said different.
Anyways, the work conference went faster than I expected. I was tired by mid afternoon on the first day, which I knew I would be but the speaker has a good way of keeping everyones attention. That night I went to a bowling alley with all of my coworkers from all of the divisions. I did not stay long because my mom called and told me my dad was in the hospital. Anyways, I finally got the scoop and it seems it was just a minor case of irritable lower gi stuff. It still scared me. I mean really... who wants their parents to be in the hospital?
After two days in Charlotte, back home it was. Alex was there waiting on me. She came in to see her grandfather who is not doing well, but also to see others too. Her and Rosalie are staying with me while they are in town.

How did the well drilling go you ask??

I'm so glad you asked... Its still a disaster. That is a very light term to use in this situation. Lets just say that the county inspector told the well drillers where to drill and it didn't work. There is a huge mess. (Mud everywhere... down the drive way, side yard, huge mud pit aka looks like someone decided to host a mud run in our yard) The reason it wouldn't work is because quick sand kept collapsing on the liner. So now we get to have another area dug (dead center in the front yard) Daniel is so mad about it. I just can not mope about it. There are too many other crazy stressful things in life. This is just not worth getting worked up about. Yes we will need a new driveway and yes we will have to figure out something with our side yard. (grass seed and straw?) Hopefully our azaleas will not die.

One tough week, one tough day..

This week hasn't been so tough when you compare it to the day I had yesterday. Yes we learned our well is not functioning correctly and yes we will have to get a new one soon and yes its going to cost thousands of dollars. But a little bird in my head that sounded much like my father said... "its just money".  Yes its a lot of money but money does not buy happiness.
Yesterday I had the sisterly support of sitting next to my sister at the doctors office when they told her she was having a miscarriage. Boy did that suck. This one is different from the last as it is a chemical pregnancy but it still burns. It still hurts and I don't know how to console her. We have similar problems but also very very different problems. We both share a low AMH but hers is more than double mine, but still half of what it should be for someone her age. That we share. What we don't share is her ability to get pregnant and hold on to it even for just a little while, while I never got that double pink line. My sorrow is different from hers. I never have had that sorrow that she has had with loosing something you had. There is a saying you cant miss something you never had but we are similar in the dream of wanting children.

Aruba......

Aruba, Jamaica oooo I wanna take ya to Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama.....lalalala
Today in my sales meeting they told us that we have a sales contest. As a group sell x amount of homes and we are going to beautiful, wonderful, warm, all inclusive Jamaican resort in July!!!! All expense paid (minus taxes).

Happy thoughts

Am I in need of a vacation?? Why yes I am. And I also am in need of some girl time, and something happy to look forward to. So what is a girl to do?? Why book a flight to PHX to visit Alex for her birthday week of course! I am so excited. Alex said that the pool will be open for us to lay out and we can go to the zoo and have a bunch of girl time! I have to start getting my summer clothes out of the bottoms of my drawers and find my swim suits and sun screen! I hear packing in my near future!

Ins and outs of the week

Sick??? Yep still sick but almost over it. BUT Daniel is now as sick as I was. He sounds horrible when he is sick. Im not going into details but we have been keeping our distance from each other just in case we don't have the same thing the other person has.
This past week we had training for work all day long. It was on Wednesday. I rocked it. Enough said.
Daniel and I both had Friday off which is not normal. So we hung out together in the am and made steaks for lunch which were awesome!!! I don't know why I would ever pay to get a steak at a restaurant anymore. Its just disappointing.
Today.... Its snowing! Yesterday it was 61 degrees.
Lately I have been dreaming of traveling. I want to go somewhere like a tropical island or a cruise but Daniel would rather go to a warm place in the USA. He also asked me last night when I was going to AZ again... funny he should ask that since I was JUST looking at plane tickets 4 hours before he asked me about it. Right now as it stands I would like to travel to AZ in March, go on a trip with Daniel in April and then there is a family wedding in May. I am not sure all of those things will get accomplished. O yeah... and our annual trip in July to the beach... maybe August too a couple of times??  I have to make sure I have enough vacation days for all of this!

sick

Apparently when you post... "sooo sick, rough week" people automatically assume morning sickness? I had to adjust my facebook post. Thanks for the happy thoughts thinking im prego but this is a head cold people. Lets not automatically assume happy thoughts here. Seriously it came on like a ton of bricks. I swore I was getting the flu or something even though I had the flu shot because I was so achy yesterday but after multiple fever checks, I am normal. My temperature actually is always below 98.7. So puffs lotion tissues are my very best friend currently along with sleeping half of the day for the past 3 days.
Daniel has been gone fishing for the past two days so that makes for bedtime at 8pm for me which has been so nice. It all worked out for the best. Daniel got to go have some super fun time fishing with some people in the mountains. (he needed the time to have some fun) and I got to be by myself and do nothing all weekend.

Today is the day...

Today is the day they will call me to give the results. Did it work? Did it not? I was so nervous sitting int he waiting room. I normally am not but man, I could not get my self calmed down. I knew that if I did not calm down, I would pass out from the adrenaline and then the crash. The gal was sweet and asked about my uncle. I told her weeks ago he was not doing well and today I told her that he had passed on Wednesday. The funeral was yesterday and the wake today. When I got the email that he passed, I cried the whole way home from work. He was only 61. Younger than my Dad. My Grandpa O never made it to 65 and two of my Dad's brothers have passed before that age as well. (One was from a plane crash). Its scary to think that my father might not have that much longer but of course we all hope for way longer than 65.
Anyways, the gal and I talked about him and how he passed. Then of course I got jabbed with the needle. Today it felt very difficult going in. Burned a bit, which that happens when there is alcohol still on the skin. Its not the first time by any means.
Anyways, I will get the call between 2 and 4. We talked it over about letting it go to voicemail and for us to listen later tonight after work.
I am so nervous about it that my stomach is in knots.
Don't bother asking what the results end up being. Either way, its going to be very emotional and a lot to process.

Its FREEEZZZZIINNGGGG in here!

Well.... I named the little ones Milk Bubbles and Cottage Cheese. MB had 30% chance, CC 10%. We decided to hold of on cc because of the possibility of twins. (I'm not opposed but Daniel didn't want to think about that). We were told not to get our hopes up because the "quality" was fragmented. (hints the name cottage cheese). Anyways, I was told they were going to call yesterday to tell me if they were able to save cc. No call yesterday so I was all bummed out and everything. Today (as in 20 min ago) they called to tell me that CC is frozen!!! Yeah team MB and CC!

Milk bubbles and Cottage cheese

Well... I decided. Milk bubbles and Cottage cheese is what I have decided to name them. Seriously, that is what they look like from their first photo shoot on day 3. Fingers crossed that they will be healthy, form correctly, and grow the way they are supposed to. I did also put their picture on my fridge too so I can see them every day. (Yeah I know that most likely sounds so weird, but I'm proud they made it to day 3 photo shoot. Hopefully there will be more photo shoots in the future).

Meeting them both

Yesterday I was able to "meet" the embryos. I saw pictures of them. There were two. One looks like the bubbles that come out of milk when you pour air through a straw. It looked perfect. The other one looked like cottage cheese. They call that fragmentation. Daniel was not able to be there to talk to the doctors but we had a phone conference. My mom was there because she insisted on coming even though I told her she did not have to come. Anyways, after discussing everything with the doctors, I signed some papers and then was escorted to the back room. They tell you to drink 24-32 oz of liquid before coming (2 hours before). That was the most uncomfortable part of the whole process. Anyways, they hooked me up to the ultrasound and did a mock transfer again to see how everything would go. Even though I was dilated the other day, it didnt work so well so they had to use a different kind of thing. The doc said everything went as well as any transfer could go and then I received my first ultrasound pic and was told to hang out for 20 minutes on my back. Thankfully my mom had some good stories because it was just so icky not to be able to run to the restroom. Finally the 20 minutes passed and I was able to get dressed and met with the doc one last time who gave me a pep talk/assurance that there is absolutely nothing more I can do to make everything "stick". Of course no jumping and no alcohol. Ive been avoiding that stuff like the plague the past couple weeks anyways. We ended up leaving and going to get my mom's car. You see... on her way in, the transmission on her car went out. As in she could not move forward or backwards. We called AAA and went to get it. A state trouper met us there because he was about to give a ticket. He let it slide considering the tow truck was there about a minute later. We got that situation taken care of and then went to my house for lunch. I prepared a salad with chicken, nuts, cranberries, oranges, and raspberry dressing.
After lunch, we went for some ice cream and then went car looking. We met Daniel at his store and drove some cars to get acquainted with everything. My mom has had a minivan since 1991 and now is looking for a sedan. I would say... its a whole new world! We were there for a couple hours and then came home and ate popcorn and watched tv til Dad came to pick up Mom. He was in Chicago visiting his brother who is on death's door. So this was perfect for him to travel from Raleigh to my house to then Charlotte. Of course he was exhausted. Emotionally spent but still in good spirits.
They ended up leaving after a little while and then Phillip and Diane came over for dinner. I was spent by the time they left and fell asleep while sitting up on the couch. Then I laid down and Daniel took this really really cute picture of CB and me snuggling together. So cute!!

What a process

To say that emotionally I did well yesterday is true... passing out.. wellllllll...... I almost did. :)
I got up bright and early at 7:08 (thanks Country Biscuit!) I had my alarm set for 730 so I could take my medicine before I went in. We had to be there right at 9. No later. We ended up getting there a bit before because you know me and time... I hate being late! I had my ipod with some tunes and some celebrity magazine. I had to keep my mind off this whole thing and it really helped. I was split from Daniel and taken back to change and to get my iv started. Thats when things went not so well. I HATE... I mean LOATH needles, iv's, etc. I get light headed and it just quite frankly wigs me out! I got stuck in my left arm which is the arm I never get stuck in so it was different trying to wrap my brain around that. It went in very easy but my brain had a hard time processing it. So I almost fainted. The nurse had the smelling salts there just in case. She knows me so well. I got a wrist band and chatted back and forth with the nurse so I could distract myself. Over time, the anastisiologist came in to talk with me. He asked me if I knew what I was there for... DUHHHHH. Anyways, I told him I couldnt look at him because he was on my left side and that would mean I would see the iv in my arm. He joked saying that girls dont look at him all that often so it didn't bother him. It made me laugh. After he left, the doc came in and talked with me. Asked me if I had questions, signed docs, etc. Same thing with him. I couldnt look at him due to the iv. Then after he left one of the nurses got me and took me to where everything was going to happen. On the floor after the door opened was some big silver sticky tape. It was about 3ft by 4ft and there were two patches of them. They have them there to collect germs. I stepped over them and then went into the room. It was a small room. It could not be any bigger than a 9x9. The anesthesiologist put 5 ekg things on me to monitor me and then hooked me up to some medicine for pain. The nurse had me in this contraption... (Im thinking tmi here so I wont go any further) Then the anesthesiologist asked what I liked to drink. I asked him if he was talking about alcohol or not. He said alcohol. I said wine and he said well consider this a double dose and tell me when you start to feel it. I did and then I was out. The next thing I know, Im back where I started in the room with my clothes hanging there. I came to it pretty quickly and after dressing the doc came in to tell me they got 4. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. All these shots, all these drugs, poking, needles, etc and only 4. WOW.... way to be an overachiever! (Thats what I was telling my bum ovaries) 4 is better than 3. He explained why they couldnt get any more and it made sense. Val came in with some food and the nurse went over what to do for the rest of the day and the next few days. Then I was out of there. Diane came with Val to pick me up since Daniel had to go to work. One of the managers took off this week of work so they are down to next to nothing. Anyways, knowing that about 1 out of every 3 actually makes it, I was thinking only 1 would make it. I already was mentally preparing my brain that none would make it just because of the consistent disappointment time and time again. After going home and getting a bit to eat, we all went out for mexican and then I took a 3 hour nap. Got up and then went back to bed. I was just so tired. My body had had it. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Im still tired today but am trucking through it.
Today I got a call from the embryologist. He said 2 made it into 2 cells. The other rejected ICSI. (aka cells not dividing, no life possible) I am happy that there are two but NOW everyone keeps asking... well are you going to put both in or one. This is a very personal decision for both Daniel and myself. I have been thinking one way and he another. But the big thing is that we dont and wont know what grade the little jellybeans have become until we go there Thursday am. That could play a big role in our decision. I will say that one person is making a good case. We will come to terms on this decision soon I'm sure.
Alex asked me if I was going to name them. I'm not sure. Yes I would like to but then that means I am getting very attached and what if it doesn't work? Heartbreak for sure. Maybe once we know in February, I might, but not now. I think the worst part from here on out is that instead of just waiting 13 days, we have to wait 15 days for blood work. (since day 13 is a weekend. Bummer)

Prep for Monday

Tonight is my last shot. I must take it at exactly 930pm. No ifs ands or buts.
Sunday night I will take Dramamine at bedtime along with my first dose of the zpack. Then Monday at 730 ill take another does of Dramamine and sit and wait and probably find some sort of busy work to take my mind of things. 
Monday is the big day. I am to arrive at 9am and will get prepped for surgery. I will be put under at 930am. I know I will not be under for very long because I have 8 follicles that they think are a good size for retrieval. The good thing is that the ultrasound is 2D so there is a possibility that there are a couple more hiding there. Thank goodness! The rate of retrieval is about 70% and from there about a third will actually be viable. I am praying that my percentage and numbers are higher than that. Considering I was on the max dose the whole time and that things will only go downhill with age, this is the best its going to be ever.
I typically like to read up about this through blogs and the internet but my prognosis is very very different from most people that I read about. Most people I know or have read about have 20-30 retrieved and are able to freeze about 8 or so. So reading about other people is not what I want to do right now. My emotions are so crazy right now. I could cry at the drop of a pin for no reason at all! (Darn hormones!) I know Monday am will be filled with a lot more emotion and I am going to do my best to keep it together. (Thanks again hormones) I'm not scared about the procedure, I'm scared about the outcome. I fear that with so few follicles, none will survive and grow. This is the last medical resort and with big fat fails every other time, I am trying to be positive and optimistic but also realistic.
Ill keep everyone posted the best I can. We will know Tuesday sometime how many have made it and what day I go in for the final step. My guess is that Ill go in on Thursday but we shall see.

Day 3...

Well... I wish I could say that day three has been better than day one or two but guess what. Negative! The medicine that Im on is the max dose and Im not exactly the largest girl on the block so I get the lovely side effects. One in particular I am hating right now...I mean ALL day so far today.
I feel like puking. I get hungry and eat something and right afterwards my stomach... and then it stays like that until about 30 minutes before I get hungry again. So ill be fine for about 30 minutes out of 3 hours. I went to CVS to grab a sprite before work today but how about they are almost 2 bucks for a 20oz. I was in dire need of a cold beverage but I could not handle paying that kind of stupid money for sugar water so I just waited until I was at work to get a cold water.
Here are the side effects for the drug Im on...Thank goodness for only feeling like vomiting and pain at the injection site. I guess there could be worse right??

• ovarian enlargement presenting as abdominal or pelvic pain, tenderness, pressure, or swelling;
  
• nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea;
  
• shortness of breath;
  
• pain, warmth, or tenderness centralized in an arm or leg;
  
• fever or chills;
  
• headache or drowsiness;
  
• weakness or aching of muscles or joints;
  
• breast enlargement or tenderness;
  
• pain, swelling, or irritation at the injection site; or
  
• rash.
  

Part 1 of many...

Last night I had the information session for IVF. It lasted an hour and there were 10 groups there. For the most part, everything was a refresher for me since I have read the 40 some pages twice, and some parts more than twice. I did learn some things and they had some videos of lab work and what the embryologist does behind the door in the lab. I feel even better about everything since going. There were some good points that were brought up that I did not realize but the biggest thing I noticed was that out of the 10 groups only 2 groups seemed to be in their late 30's to 40's. Everyone else seemed to be 32 or below. It just boggles my mind that most people do not talk about this since its a very real thing.
Friday is my next meeting. I haven't decided how much info I am going to want to share about the whole process but I do know that after my last visit to the doc which will be sometime the first week of Feb, I am going to need time to process everything. Good or bad info, its going to be a lot to process. (Of course we are hoping for good info)

Food nerd

Who gets two cookbooks, a spiral peeler, and other cool kitchen gadgets for Christmas and is elated?? This gal!!! In all seriousness, there is this spiral peeler that is out there (amazon.com) and its AMAZING! I have made zucchini noodles and apple chips so far. Its so easy to clean and to use and its fast. So Daniel made some homemade pasta sauce and well... I don't eat pasta. But I made zucchini noodles and voila! "pasta". I definitely plan on making more noodles soon. You can make noodles out of sweet potatoes, squash, really... any kind of mostly firm veggie or fruit. Below is the veggie peeler.