I have two big appts this week. One is tomorrow and the next is Friday. I will see a specialist Friday. I have been thinking long and hard on questions to ask. I have forwarded questions to Alex and Daniel to look over to get suggestions. Fingers crossed I will get some positive news this week.
So, whether it’s ignorance, misinformation, assumptions, prior knowledge about a past friend’s successes, or just plain lack of education about the infertile world…some of the following comments can crawl into our soul and tear apart the very thin threads that are holding us together any moment out of any given day. And whether we roll our eyes, make a nasty, cynical remark, smile and nod while screaming inside or run to the bathroom to sob in a stall, they all sting.
(Please feel free to add your own comments and your responses or opinions about any of these)… I know this blog is a positive space but sometimes you have to vent and let it all out! That’s a stress reliever too! 
Here are some things that I have heard when you’re getting unsolicited advice about the actual trying…usually all the following are followed with “It’ll happen [one day].” What’s in italics are typical thoughts or perhaps even responses my husband or I have had.
- Just Relax! (Oh…THAT’S what I was doing wrong!)
- When the time is right… (Why? Is this a bad time?)
- Don’t think about it so much. (So is this where I stick my head in the sand?)
- Don’t try so hard. (This isn’t high school! We can’t use reverse psychology here!)
- You have time. (Do I? I didn’t know you had my life planned out!)
- You’re so young! (Am I? What age is good for you then?)
- Just adopt and then you’ll get pregnant. (So, I spend tens of thousands for a baby and then my husband’s sperm count will magically go up?)
- Just have sex on days 10, 12 and 14. (In a perfect cycle, in a perfect world…I suppose I’m just one of the abnormal ones!)
Here are some other non-sensical, insensitive comments:
- I thought you guys were trying…what happened, did you take a break? (Ummm….yeah, we took a break. You know, we like to keep it spontaneous!)
- It’s easy, just stick it in, have some fun and Bam! (No, really, it isn’t that easy!)
- Have you tried…(insert the latest infertile craze here)?…That worked for my (cousin, neighbor, co-worker, sister, etc.) (Oh did it now!! Well, thank you so much! Now can I have her body, eggs, and her husband’s sperm?)
- Is it you or your husband? (Did you seriously just ask me that???)
- There’s always next time! (Ummm yeah, after I pay out my life savings to my doctor, and wait for my body to calm down from all these stims…)
- But, is it really all that stressful? (Well, yeah after you go through all of the drugs, getting poked and prodded every day, wait for your follicles to grow, pray that they are of the best quality, hope that you get at least some to fertilize and then of course to implant all the while trying to keep it real that it comes with no guarantees…yeah I would say that’s pretty stressful!)
And here are some things “frustrated” parents say:
- At least you can spend your money on other things. (NO, really I can’t though. I’m broke!)
- Well, enjoy going out and sleeping in because that’s all over when you have kids. (I want to wake up early with my kids…those mornings would make my whole day!)
- Just enjoy yourself ’cause kids can be brutal! (Really? Are you serious?)
- Well, you can take mine if you want…(insert silly giggle here). (O.K. Don’t even joke because you know I was just thinking about how I could get away with that!)
- Don’t ever have kids…EVER! (Seriously?????)
And of course the number one question that is the most irratating for me now that I’ve been successful (even though I am more than happy to talk about my experience) is:
Are they natural? (No, they are martian and artificial all rolled into one. I am THAT freakin’ unbelievable!)
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